Paging Mr. Barack Obama… please come to the front desk immediately, you have a telegram…
# # # Western Loonion # # #
Dear President-Elect Obama… STOP.
While appreciative of very well thought out transition process…. STOP… And while recognizing difficulties involved…STOP…and importance of vacation… STOP… It has become painfully obvious that nation needs you… STOP… Now entirely leaderless … STOP… Even Republicans won't listen to HIM… STOP… Feels like no one is flying the plane … STOP… not kidding around … STOP.
Shelby tried to bankrupt entire auto industry by Christmas… STOP… Reid still looking at Leiberman like cat hungrily eying wounded mouse… STOP… worried Barney Frank may attempt to physically harm Bill O'Reilly… STOP… worried about Paulson… STOP… says he doesn't want the other $350 billion… STOP… same $350 billion he couldn't live another day without in September… STOP… No one seems to know where hundreds of billions went or why… STOP… Bernanke now reading his own books on Great Depression… STOP… Pelosi may soon shake like Kate Hepburn in Golden Pond… STOP.
Situation related to news media now grave… STOP… Absent anyone actually making news… STOP… Any and all unfounded speculation now passing for news… STOP… If you thought FNC was bad during campaign… STOP… Makes campaign coverage sound like NPR… STOP… Starting to have trouble with equilibrium… Washington Post reporting on your glistening, chiseled pecs…STOP… think they said you have an ass that cracks walnuts… STOP… harder and harder to focus… STOP… critical thinking skills slipping away… can't breath… please send help… scared we're turning into Hannity's America… STOP.
Millions are callin' for Palin for President - 2012… STOP… Scary part is, I reckon as compared with what's comin' out of D.C. lately, she's startin' to come off like Ronald F@#king Reagan in one of Giuliani's dresses…. STOP… Don't think can't hold out much longer… Gingrich may run in 2012… for President… not a joke… By Jan 20 all may be lost… STOP… If can't come yourself, send Clinton… STOP… EITHER ONE… STOP… or even Biden… STOP… just help him with what not to say… STOP… anyone but Kucinich for heaven's sake… STOP
Push through congress what you know we need … STOP… we've got your back… STOP… Email us and we'll send a million bags of sunflower seeds wherever you say… STOP… every single day for a year… STOP… If you need any more money just ask… STOP.
If you don't fix deteriorating economic mess soon… STOP… you may not be able to fix it for a long time… STOP… And if you don't fix it by the end of your first term, we could end up with Karl Rove handling Sarah Palin's Presidential campaign in 2012… STOP… don't laugh… Dubya won twice… STOP…. If that happens, many will obviously have to flee country… STOP… Canada says its erecting a fence… STOP.
Don't listen to "experts" in denial about severity of situation… STOP… Trickle down won't work… STOP… Bernanke seems to have forgotten he can't make rates lower than 0%... STOP… And rates don't matter if need 800+ to qualify for car loan… STOP… Until foreclosures stop … STOP… recovery not possible… Like bailing water from boat with hole in bottom… STOP… Ask Ms. Bair at FDIC… a Bush appointee with a brain… STOP… never saw that coming… who would have ever thought… STOP… Guess one out of 8,716 isn't bad…. STOP.
Everyone asked me to write to you… STOP… I drew short straw in national straw drawing competition… STOP… please at least call press conference tell us you have a plan… STOP… explain what's going on… STOP… Or Send Rahm for God's sake… tell him okay to bring steak knife… STOP… Just do something as soon as you can… STOP… we'll support you… STOP… no matter what… STOP… every step of the way… STOP… for now.
STOP.
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